Via The General is a web site which will come in handy if you are a parent looking for an affordable rod to swat your child. Because “a single swat has more influence than a thousand threats.”
“Joey” and his crew of volunteer craftsmen offer free, handcrafted paddles ($5.75 for shipping to those outside New Kensington, PA–offer good only in USA) to needy parents. Who says you can’t get anything for free anymore?
These aren’t your run-of-the-mill paddles, either. Craftsman Joey puts “a lot of myself into each thing I create including sweat and sometimes tears.” Hard to find that these days.
But wait–there’s more! In addition to the paddles, Joey offers online resources for better parenting. There’s the downloadable appointment cards, so you can give your child a reminder of his or her upcoming spanking. And a suggested punishment matrix, to establish the correct number of swats for frequent offenses (e.g., two swats for cursing, five swats for drinking). But remember, for best results allow one minute of meditation between each swat, so your child will understand why they are being punished. And only use force sufficient to “get the child’s attention” [calibrate your paddle by swatting yourself on the rump and adjusting your swing].
People say it’s tough being a parent these days . . . I don’t know about that. With resources like this available, how can you go wrong?
February 2005
Athletic Resume Padding
Ha ha.
In a related story, I once threw for 400 yards and 4 touchdowns in a game . . . in grade school.
If You Build It They Might Not Come
South Knox Bubba examines Knoxville Convention Center bookings and finds less than 40 days for 2005.
Please tell me that the powers behind that mammoth were not this far off in their projections/economic assumptions. This ranks up there with the Titantic‘s design engineers with respect to margin of error.
A Blow To Journalism
Jeff Gannon
A Voice of the New Media
The voice goes silent.
Because of the attention being paid to me I find it is no longer possible to effectively be a reporter for Talon News. In consideration of the welfare of me and my family I have decided to return to private life.
Thank you to all those who supported me.
No! Not the voice of the new media! What does it take to be an effective “reporter” for Talon News, anyway?
This is a weird story. I suspect we’ll be hearing more about “Jeff Gannon” and how he got a White House media credential.
UPDATE: Imagine if it was 1998?
Fashion Police
The Virginia House of Delegates has tentatively approved a bill to crack down on people who wear low-riding pants.
Freshman Norfolk Delegate Algie Howell Jr. introduced the bill at the urging of constituents who are offended by the exposed underwear.
. . .
Delegates approved a measure that would allow police to assess a $50 fine on anyone who exposes their below-waist underpants in a “lewd or indecent manner.”
What if I’m offended by lawmakers who waste legislative time and government resources passing silly bills? Can we ban them from entering the state capitol?
More Work For Turd Blossom
President Bush’s senior adviser, Karl Rove, will take on a wider role in developing and coordinating policy in the president’s second term, the White House announced on Tuesday.
Rove, who was Bush’s top political strategist during his 2000 and 2004 presidential campaigns, will become a deputy White House chief of staff in charge of coordinating policy between the White House Domestic Policy Council, National Economic Council, National Security Council and Homeland Security Council.
We have a political consultant shaping national security policy. Probably makes sense, since homeland security has largely been a political operation for the past three years anyway.