I’m not an authority on parenting. And, sadly, don’t even possess a great deal of expertise on “courting.” But this whole mindset seems rather bizarre quaint to me:
I define courtship as the discovery of a life-partner for a daughter under the direct oversight of the father. Any man seeking to beg, borrow or steal a daughter’s hand without her father’s endorsement is seeking to gain, in unlawful ways, “property” not his own. Daughters are Daddy’s girls in the objective sense, and this particular daughter rejoices in that truth. I am owned by my father. If someone is interested in me, he should see him.
Suffice it to say, an awful lot of women have gotten themselves in bad situations by taking these beliefs too literally.
More commentary here and here.
Any man seeking to beg, borrow or steal a daughter’s hand without her father’s endorsement is seeking to gain, in unlawful ways, “property” not his own. Daughters are Daddy’s girls in the objective sense, and this particular daughter rejoices in that truth. I am owned by my father.
How positively 16th century (or is that later? Or earlier? I wasn’t paying as much attention in my legal history class as I should have, apparently).
I didn’t even have my dad walk me down the aisle when I got married because of the patriarchal oppression it represents. I realize that most people don’t consider those implications, but, for me, it is symbolic of the father selling his daughter to another man. The officiator of the ceremony DOES ask, “Who GIVES this woman away?” Maybe I’m too far to the other extreme, but I chose to walk down the aisle by myself, symbolic of being an independent woman. My husband and I met halfway and then walked the rest of the way together. It was a small act, perhaps, but it meant a lot to me.
That’s pretty cool, Christina. I’m all for smashing repressive ideas in the face.
Christina,
So I take it you aren’t in the camp that believes only Daddy can make pertinent decisions regarding courtship/marriage. 8^)
Frankly, I don’t know that I’d even want to go out with someone who didn’t have a more developed sense of autonomy. But maybe that’s just me.
On a related note, I kept my maiden name (and I’m quite shocked by all the flack I get even in 2005). I realize that my maiden name is my father’s name; however, even if I took my mother’s maiden name, it would still be patriarchal. There’s no way around it. Every family name has come from a man (as far as I know). The only solution is to make up a name that no one has ever used! But instead of doing that, I decided to keep my maiden name because, although it was given to me by my father, I have created the identity wrapped up in the two words “Christina Hogan.” That person is not my father; that person is me. For me, changing my last name at the age of 25 would have negated everything I had done before that. And so I keep my name. Not because I don’t love my husband, but because I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished – and will accomplish – as Christina Hogan. I read a great quote that said “married women are filed away under their husbands names.” I don’t consider myself filed away under my father’s name, however. Like I said, it’s my name and I’ve created my own file that no one will have a problem locating!
What’s in a name? Oh, sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, you’re still Christina Hogan to me, too. 8^)
Obviuosly, males don’t think about this as much as some females. I see that some couples come up with a new last name, or hyphenated name, to address this issue when they get married. But that seems kind of weird.
Yeah, I tried going by my married name, but every time I answered the phone at work, I didn’t know what to say! Also, when people would ask for Christina Johnson, I would go blank for a few seconds. Who?? Oh, right, that’s me…….It was too weird.