2003 Weblog Awards Campaign Platform

Resonance is on the ballot in Wizbang’s 2003 Weblog Awards for Best Flappy Bird, and the campaign has gotten off to a slow start. Consequently, to rev things up we are unveiling our ambitious blog platform. Here’s where Resonance stands on the issues:

• Pro-Ornithology: Resonance is a big fan of birds. We can identify at least a handful of birds without referring to a bird guide.
• Strengthening Education: Resonance supports efforts to educate America’s youngest and dumbest. Students are encouraged to come here and learn.
• Blogosphere Security: Resonance is in favor of a secure blogosphere, free from hacker attacks.
• No New Taxes: Resonance opposes the initiation of any new blog taxes.
• Term Limits: Resonance supports term limits. If voted best Flappy Bird, Resonance will not seek a second term next year.
• Freedom from Special Interests: Resonance has no Google Ads or tip jars. Remember, you get what you pay for.
• Fighting the War on Terror: Resonance doesn’t blogroll any known Al Qaeda websites.
• Tort Reform: Resonance opposes the filing of frivolous lawsuits against bloggers.
• Pro-Environment: Resonance is an environmentally-friendly weblog. We encourage the use of green power to read this site.
• Privacy: Resonance is in favor of personal privacy. No e-mail addresses are collected and sold by the managers of this website. Resonance opposes the monitoring of this website by the Department of Justice.
• Supporting Our Troops: Resonance supports American troops. Resonance is open 24/7 for troops worldwide to read.
• Improving Blog Communities: Resonance endorses the formation of blog communities such as the Rocky Top Brigade.
• Facilitating Civil Discourse: Resonance has a people-powered comments feature which allows readers to calmly discuss issues with one another.
• In God We Trust: Resonance is a Christian weblog, in harmony with America’s heritage. No Jews, Muslims, Atheists, or other ungodly here.
• Pro-Ten Commandments: Resonance supports the right of every American to post the ten commandments . . . in the church of his or her choice.
• Strengthening American Families: Resonance is a family-friendly website which features no pornographic images, online gambling, or inappropriate language. Granny and junior can join in the fun.
• Compassion: Resonance feels your pain when your computer screws up.
• Flag Friendly: No American flags have been burned during the making of this website.
• Pursuing the American Dream: Resonance welcomes new immigrants into the American melting pot.  Hola, readers.
• Soaring Over the Competition: Those competitor websites are miserable failures. This site is much better.
• Pro-Peace, Prosperity, Happiness, College Football Playoff, Christmas: For those things.
• Anti-Hunger, Cancer, Homeliness, Child Porn: Against those things.

You have the power to take back the blogosphere from entrenched interests. You have the power to bring pride back to the flocks of flappy birds. Head to the polls now and vote for Resonance.